I’m at a cross road. Over the years I’ve crossed a lot of roads. Now I find that I am coming around the bend to where I started. Meaning that in my pursuit of working outside the home I find my heart turning back toward home for retirement. Retirement?!
The elusive task to find what I will be when I grow up has always escaped me. Partly because there is a spot in me that won’t grow up. Its that spot that gets so excited pursuing new adventures and gaining new skills it just won’t stay satisfied for very long. So, I ponder what should I be doing…and ponder myself right into a rut. Years ago our pastor, Paul Smith, told me that a rut is a grave with both ends kicked out.
This morning I needed to get out of that rut and gain some inspiration, focus, and coffee. I was waking up by sipping coffee and perusing emails when something captured my attention, my little “in-box”. Emails are a great way to get lost in the pursuit…and wake up.
The whole time I was muddling through what I should be doing in the next couple years…(muddling through is my form of prayer). My new grandson will need my care for a year or so and that makes me happy to have to stay around the house. Working outside the home has it’s advantages but for a homebody it gets in the way of life.
I have hordes of collected materials stacked up that need to be used. It is my physical investment account for retirement. The quandary is that my interests are different and have changed while the unused material has laid dormant. Is retirement a process of catching up with yourself and purging the unused collections? All of these thoughts crashed into each other leaving me confused and sleepy.
Meanwhile, I am thinking that I need to journal this out. To work it out in the medium that allows me to travel through my thoughts and get them organized. Another form of prayer..
I was on the “Artisan Avenue” site looking at pieces created by fellow artisans. There were 9 images listed. As I was waking up and gaining momentum I saw one that especially liked. It was my own work. How cool is that?!! It was better than coffee & emails!
It was my Ha!Ha! Moment of “Be-ing here to Be here and just Be-ing”.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one Who will keep you on track.”
And sometimes He laughs…with us and at us, but He is always for us. Maybe I am growing up, just a little bit.
Oh, my article on Fairy Godmothers will be published in the Somerset Studio Gallery coming out in June. It might lift your heart a little bit.